It all started innocently enough.
You were so worried about food after you finished treatment that you sort of “forgot” how to go about feeding yourself in a normal way.
Rather that simply fueling yourself, you know; grabbing a plate, putting food on it, sitting down to eat it – you started making up stories to make eating easier.
But those stories began to take on a life of their own, encouraging you to second-guess your food choices, doubt your own judgement about what’s best to eat, and erode your trust in your body’s ability to “handle” any food that wasn’t perfectly in line with the perfect eating you believe you should be executing.
So here you are, struggling to eat without succumbing to the waves of anxiety you feel every time you feel a hunger pang (hunger pangs are dangerous, don’t you know).
One of the best ways I’ve found to help my clients who tell themselves those unhelpful stories is to question those stories for truth. Relentlessly. Repeatedly. Resolutely.
I find there are four common stories that come up over and over and over (relentlessly, if you will). Let’s look at them here, and then. . . explore them for truth.
_____________________________________
The “Morality of Food” Story
Pernicious and persistent, at its most basic this story says: eating good = being good.
Translation, if you eat the “right” food, the virtue of doing so elevates you to “perfect eater” status and you’ll be untouched by breast cancer ever again. And let’s face it – the moral judgement you level at yourself when you eat or don’t eat certain foods feels necessary to keep you in line (we’ll overlook the helping of guilt served with that).
Eating inside the lines, towing the “right diet” line, walking the straight food line – these are the only ways to keep you safe, am I right?
It makes sense, to a point.
If we would all (remember, I’m also a survivor) just eat what we’re “supposed” to eat, we’d fill our bodies with so much nutritional goodness that breast cancer wouldn’t stand an ice cube’s chance in hell of returning.
But you, my smart reader, you know that’s not true. You can eat all the things and avoid eating all the things and still, there’s no guarantee of no recurrence.
Let’s explore this for truth and look at what’s really behind this thinking. Of course we all want to do the “right” thing, in all areas of our life – especially food. It feels protective.
Feeling on track in the food morality department may offer a level of psychological protection that insulates you from the fear, but it doesn’t actually translate to any physical protection, and without fail, it ratchets up that guilt I touched on earlier.
Try this instead: Remember that food terms like “clean”, “unprocessed” and “whole” are often used in an inflammatory manner to get your attention. Unfortunately, they also ratchet up your anxiety. The goal is to decrease your anxiety around food, so I invite you to think of all food as neutral, not good and not bad. Some foods are better for you than others, absolutely! Choose those most often and let the rest go.
The “Food is Scary” Story
As a breast cancer survivor, the fear that food will do something “to” you is powerful. You may be at a loss to explain it logically, but in your food fear-riddled mind, you’re convinced it will do all sorts of horrible things, primarily, bring your breast cancer back.
Other things food could do TO you? Make you want more of it (bad), make you gain weight (scary), soothe your sadness, loneliness, anxiety (weakness).
Let’s explore this for truth and look at what’s really behind this thinking. When you focus on all the horrible things food could possibly do to you, it takes your mind off all the horrible things you’ve just been through. It gives you a level of relief that feels necessary to help you heal from the trauma, but the truth is, you’re trading one fear for another; and that keeps the trauma wheel spinning.
Try this instead: Focus on what food does FOR you (gives you energy, immune system support, maintains healthy bones, muscles and nerves). And don’t forget to focus on the joy of eating – you CAN get that back, I promise.
The “Falseness of Food” Story
This story is about all the rampant breast cancer survivor food myths that abound, and your willingness to believe them.
That’s not a slam against you; it’s a lovingly honest assessment of how so many breast cancer survivors treat food myths as truths and cling to the false information spread by untrained, uncredentialed influencers more interested in earning clicks than actually helping people.
It’s easy to do. When you don’t know who to trust or what to believe, of course you’re going to be confused. Nutrition is a science, not an opinion, but opinionated social media influencers don’t care about that. Their goal is to confuse you even more.
Soy, sugar, red meat, dairy, organic – what comes to mind when you read those words?
Overwhelm? Bewilderment? Stress?
Food falsehoods are a little bit of truth blended with a whole lot of bunk, and getting the straight story on what you should actually eat gets lost in all that.
Let’s explore this for truth and look at what’s really behind this thinking. You have every right to feel clear and calm about the food decisions you make, and following a simple “eat this, not that” food strategy seems like the best way to calm you the f— down, but the reality isn’t that. Only food facts, an individualized plan, and guidance on eating in a way that supports your goals will give you that clarity and calm.
Try this instead: Get help from a trained nutrition pro. I’m not kidding. That pro doesn’t have to be me, although I’d love the opportunity to work with you, but it really does need to be with someone who’s trained, credentialed, and experienced in breast cancer nutrition. It’s the only way to cut through the clutter, get the answers you need and the peace of mind you deserve.
The “Blame the Food” Story
Let’s face it, we all want to know why we got breast cancer (ask me how I know this), but honestly, cancer of all types is so complex it’s pretty much impossible to identify the exact cause.
Of course, there are genetic factors and family history, but even with that we can’t say for sure exactly how/when it happened. By putting the blame for cancer on a “thing”, YOU feel better because it feels better in your BRAIN to connect the dots with an “if this, then that” situation.
Our brains like things to make sense. They like patterns and to attribute meaning to things that are random; and what feels more random than breast cancer?
Calling out the cheeseburger, pizza and too much processed food as “the reason that makes sense” feels good. It gives you something concrete to hurl your anger at.
I can’t tell you how many women have said to me, “I think it’s the _______________ (fill in the food of choice) that gave me breast cancer.”
A random breast cancer diagnosis (especially when you “did everything right”) feels too uncomfortable to live with, blaming an actual food feels better.
Let’s explore this for truth and look at what’s really behind this thinking. A breast cancer diagnosis makes you question your lifestyle choices – including diet. Diet is often discussed in relation to risk, and while the intention of that is to educate, it can trigger feelings of guilt. You may feel like you failed in your personal responsibility to take care of yourself, or hold a strong belief that certain foods really did cause your breast cancer.
Try this instead: Understand there’s nothing and no one to blame here – not your dietary choices, not your lifestyle choices, not even your decision to put off your mammogram for longer than you felt comfortable with – breast cancer can happen to any woman, anywhere, at any time.
_________________________________________
Thanks for reading my blog!
Ready to start eating with peace and enjoying your food again – one plate at a time?
Start here! Click to get your FREE copy of The Five Foods Survivors Worry About Most (and what the science really says)
Follow me on Instagram @hormone.breastcancer.dietitian
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your dietitian or doctor for guidance specific to your needs.